Dear Mr. Tim Rylands,
I suspect that, when you visited Wilton and Barford Primary school in the company of an extremely holey walking stick of odd appearance, you were not entirely honest about the stick’s provenance. From a very reliable source who must remain anonymous, I hear that a certain Giant Grimface in a far distant mountainous region had his magic flute, of all things, removed from his castle following his rather vicious beating administered with the flute to a lazy servant, and somehow this much prized possession was secreted under the scarlet cloak of a creature of human countenance who slipped away under cover of darkness, never again to be seen in the Darklands. Later on, the trailing stems of a sturdy bean plant were discovered protruding from a dark hole leading down into the area known as Planet Earth.
As an intrepid reporter, I took it upon myself to follow this trail with great caution down to Planet Earth, to a corner of an area named Wiltshire previously known as part of the realm of Wessex in a rather delightful green island whose name was not known to me. The twisted stems led me to an establishment containing many young earthlings under tuition. Disguised as an earthbound creature myself, I discovered a large room of these earthlings listening attentively to an earthman who was displaying what I recognised immediately as the missing flute in front of a large picture of our blessed Darklands, claiming that the flute was (horrors) a walking stick. By observation and acute listening, I discovered that the earthman was named Mr, Rylands. Not wishing to be the cause of alarm among the young earthlings, I slipped away & retraced my steps.
What is not generally understood among the constellations is that Darklands has a good connection to the cyber clouds in which resides the wonder Google. Hence I am able to communicate my intense wish that you return the precious flute to its rightful owner. Giant Grimface is not always of good temper I must admit, but I must report that he is far more agreeable when he has his magic flute to play so that he can watch the trees dancing to his tunes and the birds flying a beautiful aerial ballet. Since you require a walking stick, I have attached a most serviceable and attractive one to a length of rope you will find dangling in a corner of the earthling school gardens, and I humbly beg you to tie our beloved flute to that same rope so that I can return it to its master. From this act, I shall obtain an exalted position at the office of the Darklands Gazette and there will be much rejoicing in our land.
Paula of the Red Hair, (Senior Roving Correspondent, Darklands Gazette)(Thank you to Paula Hargreaves, also a governor at Wilton and Barford Primary school, for joining the mythological spirit of our visit). Mr Walker is on his way, (Yes. Really!) though he may have lost his song, … ready to be raised for some rightful rest.