Archive for April 2nd, 2016

Ffired ~ after requests again. Thanks all. A fun couple of nights. More?

| April 2, 2016 | 0 Comments 

fFiredI used to be a potter, but I got fired!
I worked lifting heavy sieves, but I strained myself!
I used to be a butcher, but I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.
I used to be a cobbler, but was given the boot @xannov
I used to be a postman, but I got the sack @xannov
I used to be a pool attendant but I threw in the towel @lisibo
I used to work as a hot-air balloon pilot, but my job was always a bit up in the air
I used to be a runner but I couldn’t stand the pace @lisibo
I used to be an optician, but I made a spectacle of myself.
I used to work in a frozen food factory, but I got fresh and then they canned me!!
I used to be a skydiver, but I got given the push. @wigglemyears
I used to work as a werewolf impersonator, but I’m not nooooowwwww! @stevebunce
I used to work in a dairy., but they said I kept getting in the whey
I used to be an author but they wrote me off @dughall
I used to be a milliner but the cap didn’t fit @lisibo (Hats off to you for that one)
I lost my job at the massage parlor. I rubbed people the wrong way!
I was working in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate.
My priest became a Canon but they fired him @SephieG
I tried to be a chef. I imagined it would add a little spice to my life, but I ran out of thyme
I used to be a Chippendale, but I lost my polish. @ wigglemyears
(and you couldnt speak French OR Polish)
I once was a tailor, but I wasn’t SUITED for it. It was a so-so job
I used to be a refuse collection operative but I was binned @lisibo
I used to be a plumber but it was a drain on my resources. @bevevans22
You’re career was goin down the plughole Eh?
I used to work as a rhetorical teacher, but let me answer this one…. @stevebunce
I worked at Starbucks, but it was the same old grind
tried working in an car parts factory, but that was just too exhausting.
I used to work as a tour guide, but was told to get lost (You had that one mapped out @xannov)
I used to work at Kwikfit but I’ve re-tyred. @dughall
I was a painter and decorator but they gave me the brush off. @bevevans22
(It would have been like watching paint dry)
I used to be a caterer but I was a sandwich short of a picnic @lisibo
(Did you try to butter them up?)
I used to be a coalman but I got sacked (or fired!) @dughall
I used to be a Becta Academies consultant but…oh hold on that’s not funny @kevinmulryne
I used to make frosted glass, but could see no way through it @xannov
I used to be a jigsaw maker, but couldn’t keep it together @xannov (Puzzling)
I tried to work at a deli, but no matter how I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
I used to sell oranges, but it just wasn’t appealing. @wigglemyears
Pipped at the post for that job
I used to be a nun but then I kicked the habit. @ kevinmulryne
I even worked as a lumberjack, but I couldn’t hack it. So they gave me the axe
I used to be easily distracted, but… @stevebunce
I used to be a cashier but needed a change. I have taken NOTE of that @bevevans22
I used to be a swimming pool attendant but then I bombed @kevinmulryne
I used to impersonate Lilly Savage, but it was a drag @xannov
I used to be a ninja, but I got the chop. @wigglemyears
I used to work as a restaurant critic but I got fed up. @ dughall
I used to make trusses but I didn’t get any support. @bevevans22
(You should have boned up on that one)
I tried to work in a shoe factory, but I couldn’t fit in
I used to be a carpenter but then I got bored @ kevinmulryne
I used to work in a cushion factory but they told me to get stuffed @kevinmulryne

I was #ffired from being a pharmacist.
Apparently it’s not the same as being an agricultural labourer. @SephieG

I used to work in a petshop, until they caught me with my hand in the Trill @stevebunce
I used to make glass, but it was so shattering @chrisrat
I used to work on a bomb disposal unit but I was blown off. @Helikon
Those undertakers I used to work for as a grave-digger… Sod ’em! @dughall
I was a toothpaste tube filler once, but I got a bit too fresh @xannov
I used to be a superhero, but I was too much of a fly-boy @tombarrett
I used to make cycle helmets, but my head wasn’t in it @xannov
I was a fridge magnate once but I lost my grip and fell off @kevinmulryne
I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience
I used to be a tap dancer till it all went down the drain @janwebb21
I used to have self-respect but then I started wearing this t-shirt @kevinmulryne
I used to work for Microsoft, but I found Windows was a pane @stevebunce
I got a job as a historian, but there was no future in that!
I used to be a procrastinator, but…hang on, I’ll do this tomorrow @stevebunce
I then got a job at a workout club, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
I used to be a print journalist but I got de-pressed @electricchalk
I used to be a trapeze artist but they had to let me go. @helikon
I used to be a Geography teacher then a History teacher, but I kept changing the subject @stevebunce
I used to be a driving instructor but just ended up going round the bend @janwebb21
I used to work for Hoover. It sucked. @captincroc
I used to be a camel herder till i got the hump @janwebb21
I worked in a potato factory but ended up getting mashed @raff31
I was #ffired as a confrontational weight-loss counsellor, as I couldn’t stand the diatribe @SephieG
I worked in a fish factory but ended up battered @raff31
I tree to be a tree surgeon until I got hacked off @chrisrat
I worked in a shoe repair shop but it was a load of cobblers @raff31
I used to be a handy man but it turned out I couldn’t make it. @Helikon
I worked in a bank but ended up being bounced out @raff31
I used to be a Guardian copywriter but I got fried @simfin
I used to be an artist, but then I became with-draw-n @chrisrat
Worked at a railway station but it was just the end of the line @raff31
I used to be a botanist studying all kinds of fungi but it was just the same old slime mould @electricchalk
I used to be tractor fan, but now I’m an extractor fan @stevebunce
I thought I would have a go on twitter, before making a hasty retweet @chrisrat
I became a fisherman, but couldn’t live on my net income.
I used to to a human cannonball but I got fired…. *I’ll get me coat!* @daveterron
I used to be a deep sea diver, but couldn’t stand the pressure @xannov (Deep man)
I used to be God but I was unbelievable. @Helikon
I used to be an astronaut till I was blasted off. @janwebb21
I used to be a draughtsman but I got to the end of the line @bevevans22
I was a carpenter at a furniture manufacturer but I got #ffired for going against the grain @JeremiahAlex
I thought I was a solicitor until I read Belle de Jour’s book @SephieG
I used to be a human cannon ball but to be honest I wasn’t the right calibre @simfin
I used to be a speleologist but I’ve gone underground now. @spookingdorf
I used to be a speech therapist but it was all gobbledegook to me @janwebb21
I used to be an MP, but I flipped @stevebunce
I used to be a curtain but I couldn’t get the hang of it @yearsixteacher
Didn’t tell mum I worked for Heinz. I was embarrassed. When I got fired I spilled the beans @dan_bowen
I used to be a perfectionist, but I’m trying to improve
I thought I was a chiropractor but now I stand corrected. @SephieG
I used to work in a shoe shop but it was sole destroying
I tried looking for gold, but it didn’t pan out.
I worked for a lift company. It had its’ ups and downs. @thewhiteant
I used to be a banker, but lost interest in the work.
I used to work in Clarks but it left me down at heel @Lisibo
I used to be a baker, but I didn’t make enough dough
I worked as an opthamologist but I couldn’t see eye to eye with the boss. @NeilAdam
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to look after fish but was soon out of my depth @thewhiteant
I used to work in a casino, but got offered a better deal.
I used to be an undertaker, but I was bored stiff @stevebunce
I used to be an archeologist – from the start my career was in ruins @kevinmulryne
I used to teach maths but the school couldn’t count on me. @Ideas_Factory
I used to taxidermist, but I told them to stuff it @stevebunce
I used to work as a taxidermist but one day they told me to get stuffed @dan_bowen
I used to be an astronaut but it just spaced me out @dan_bowen
I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn’t my cup of tea
I used to feed pigs but got sloppy @thewhiteant
I tried looking to be a dentist but I just could not get my teeth into it @dan_bowen
I used to work in a frozen veg processing plant. Conditions were terrible so told line manager to pea off. @SimpleKatherine
I used to run a Twitter theatre company but they said we had too many characters. @tombarrett
I used to be a public speaker, but…um… er… well… um @ellierylands
I used to be a circus clown who made dogs out of balloons but I just ran out of puff. @dan_bowen
I used to be a plumber. Now, I have something else in the pipeline.
I used to be an air traffic controller but I left it all up in the air @SephieG
I used to work as a physcologist, but enough about me, tell me about your childhood…. @stevebunce
I used to design rollercoasters but it just drove me loopy. @thewhiteant
I used to be a lollipop lady but I couldn’t lick it. @SephieG
I used to be a witch but I couldn’t spell. @lisibo
I used to work as a bikini waxer but I couldn’t pull it off @Helikon
I used to work in a helium balloon factory. It was all a bit up in the air @ellierylands
I used to be a lollipop lady but I couldn’t lick it (or make the cross over) @SephieG
I used to be a sailor…I rigger in fact…but the captain threw me overboard when I told him to get knotted @dan_bowen
I used to be a taxi-driver, but I came to a bit of a crossroads @ellierylands
I used to be a fisherman, but I got caught playing hooky. @dan_bowen
I used to work for Tetley.I had bags of energy until the last day. They just left me standing. I felt so weak after that @dan_bowen
I used to be a hotel receptionist but then I had reservations.
I tried my hand as a forecaster but I just dried up @NeilAdam
I used to be a monk, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.
I was an accountant for 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…years @ellierylands
I used to be a schizophrenic, but we’re fine now. @stevebunce
I used to work in a casino but it was a bit too dicy when the chips were down @SephieG
I used to be a narrator, but I lost the plot @ellierylands
I used to be @timrylands but it was too hard and I was mystified @simfin
I used to arrange music but the work was too much to Handel. @grumbledook
I used to write for Eastenders but… duff duff duffdufduffduffduff
I used to be a marathon runner, but couldn’t stand the agony of de feet
I used to be a conductor on the railway. They found out I wasn’t trained.
I used to work as a chef but found it hard to cut the mustard. @SimpleKatherine
I used to be a road digger, but I got re-trenched.
I used to be a sanitation engineer, but I got dumped.
I used to do logos, displays, sides of vans etc, but I resigned. @dughall
I used to be a chimney sweep but I became Sooty @lisibo
I ran a newspaper before it folded @SephieG
I used to be a shoe salesman, till they gave me the boot.
I used to be a taxi driver, but found it a bit hackneyed.
I used to be a teacher, but found I didn’t have enough class.
I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn’t my racket.
I used to to be a hunchback but I got my act straight. @Helikon
I used to be a binman but it was rubbish. @RowenaSunshine
I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.
I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn’t in it.
I used to be a regression therapist but there was no future in that. @Helikon
I used to be an exorcist, but my house was repossessed. @stevebunce
I had a papershop but it blew away. @SephieG
I used to work for a bungee jumping company but they let me go, thankfully I got my job back. @tombarrett
I used to be a bra-maker but I went bust. @RowenaSunshine
I used to be a Velcro salesman, but couldn’t stick with it. It was a rip-off.
I used to be a week planner but I called it a day. @Helikon
I used to do integral calculus, but the returns just kept getting smaller and smaller. @NeilAdam
I used to be a neurologist but I lost my nerve. @RowenaSunshine
I considered going into the ministry but I didn’t have an altar ego.
I used to be a lorry driver but I had no truck with it. @RowenaSunshine
I used to work for a well known fast food chain, but it all got too cheesy @SephieG
I tried to be a fitness instructor but it just didn’t work out. @stuartridout
I once wrote the fortunes for cookies, but then my boss opened one. My luck had run out. (1 of 2) @tombarrett
Managed to get a job writing cracker jokes, it is hard to find work involving writing on small pieces of paper concealed in things. @tombarrett
I used to work for kwikfit but it was too exhausting @simfin
I used to work at Kwik-Fit too but I was just 2 tyred… @iusher
I used to be a prophet but when they #ffired me I didn’t see it coming @Helikon
I was going to give up as a baptist to become an Anglican, but I would have missed the pasta. @NeilAdam
I had a job making EXIT signs, but that was always going to be on the way out. @ellierylands
I thought about becoming a candle maker, but it got on my wick.
I used to make hay bales but that was the last straw @ellierylands
I was a tarot-reader for a while – until I was given my cards. (in a re shuffle?) @RowenaSunshine
I wanted to be a parachutist, but I changed my mind and dropped it.
I used to be a clockmaker but there just wasn’t the time. @RowenaSunshine
I used to run my own hot air balloon business but suffered from an inflated ego so #ffired myself. (What a let down!) @SimpleKatherine
When I complained that I was #ffired as a trapeze artist they told me to “get a grip” @stuartridout
I was a cross-eyed teacher but I got #ffired because I couldn’t control my pupils. @RowenaSunshine
I used to be an organist but my heart wasn’t in it. @SimpleKatherine
I used to be an underwear model, but it was just pants. @stevebunce
I used to be a comedian but I was just a joke… @Ideas_Factory
I used to teach ceramics but I got #ffired @MDuette
I used to work at a riding school but I was told to quit horsing around. @Helikon
I did my work experience as a doctor but they let me go as I didn’t have any patients. @stuartridout
I used to be a butcher but I just didn’t cut it… @Ideas_factory
I used to be the saviour but I got too cross. @RowenaSunshine
I used to work in a clock factory when I was younger, but the times are changing @ellierylands
I once worked as a cellist before I had to bow out. @dughall
I used to be a Matt Lucas impressionist, but yeah but no but yeah but @stevebunce
I used to be a journalist, but I couldn’t keep up with the Times @ellierylands
When they #ffired me as a milkman they did it by letter. They would have told me to my face but they just didn’t have the bottle. @stuartridout
I wanted to and break into high-security data processing centers, but I couldn’t hack it.
I used to be a Matt Lucas impressionist but they #ffired me for getting my characters mixed up. Am I bovvered? @stuartridout
I used to be a mountaineer but it was an uphill struggle. @RowenaSunshine
I was a proctologist but I left as it was a bum deal @stuartridout
I used to be a cheese maker, but I didn’t do it Caerphilly. @stevebunce
I used to be a journalist till they wrote me off. @janwebb21
I used to be a shoemaker, but I was cobblers. @Ideas_Factory
I used to be a cartographer but lost my way. @thewhiteant
I got #ffired from a bakers when I asked for a raise. @Ideas_Factory
I used to be a Matt Lucas impressionist but they #ffired me for being a big baby. @stevebunce
I used to make chocolates until they found out I was into black magic @NeilAdam
I used to be called the human calculator but it just didn’t work out for me. @Ideas_Factory
I used to be a computer programmer but I was too basic. @kvnmcl
I was a distress flare on a life boat but I was let off. @Helikon
I used to be a contortionist but I wasn’t flexible enough… @Ideas_Factory
I used to play the piano, but it wasn’t my forte @ellierylands
I used to be a hairdresser till I was cut off @janwebb21
I used to work in a pillow factory but I fluffed it. @stuartridout
I used to chop firewood, i quit when my dreams went up in smoke. @ianaddison
I used to be a ballistics expert till I got #ffired @janwebb21
I used to be a gentlemen’s outfitter but the hours didn’t suit me. @RowenaSunshine
I worked for Ribena’s creativity dept until all my ideas were squash-ed @ianaddison
I used to be a violinist but it was a bit too fiddly. @RowenaSunshine
I used to be a mountaineer, but I peeked too soon. @ellierylands
I used to be a karate instructor till I got the chop @janwebb21
I used to be a margarine taster, but I can’t believe it’s not butter @stevebunce
I used to be a photographer but just couldn’t focus. @RowenaSunshine (Snappy!)
I used to be creative joke writer till I started looking at twitter and realised I was rubbish. @andyjb
I used to be a petrol pump attendant but I ran out of gas. @Ideas_Factory
I used to make calendars but my days were numbered. @stuartridout
I wanted to play my guitar in a pub but I couldn’t pluck up the courage. @novens
I used to work for Twitter but I had too much character. @stuartridout
I used to work in a vineyard but they #ffired me as I whined too much. @stuartridout
My job as a taxi – driver just wasn’t going in the right direction. @ellierylands
I used to work as a policeman in a tiny village but it was a dead beat job. @stuartridout
I used to be a butcher but there’s no bread in that @helikon
I used to be a window cleaner but they saw through me. @janwebb21
I worked in a fishmongers. I knew my plaice. What a load of cod-swallop! @icttalk
I used to work at a model village but I was too big for them. @Ideas_Factory (They scaled down).
I once worked for Google but it wasn’t what I was looking for. @RowenaSunshine
I used sell beds but I grew tired of it. I was laid off. @Ideas_Factory

I used to do something with education & tech but then this bl**dy #ffired thing turned up & my life ebbed away 140chrs at a time @iusher