Author Archive: Tim
I used to be a potter, but I got fired!
I worked lifting heavy sieves, but I strained myself!
I used to be a butcher, but I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.
I used to be a cobbler, but was given the boot @xannov
I used to be a postman, but I got the sack @xannov
I used to be a pool attendant but I threw in the towel @lisibo
I used to work as a hot-air balloon pilot, but my job was always a bit up in the air
I used to be a runner but I couldn’t stand the pace @lisibo
I used to be an optician, but I made a spectacle of myself.
I used to work in a frozen food factory, but I got fresh and then they canned me!!
I used to be a skydiver, but I got given the push. @wigglemyears
I used to work as a werewolf impersonator, but I’m not nooooowwwww! @stevebunce
I used to work in a dairy., but they said I kept getting in the whey
I used to be an author but they wrote me off @dughall
I used to be a milliner but the cap didn’t fit @lisibo (Hats off to you for that one)
I lost my job at the massage parlor. I rubbed people the wrong way!
I was working in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate.
My priest became a Canon but they fired him @SephieG
I tried to be a chef. I imagined it would add a little spice to my life, but I ran out of thyme
I used to be a Chippendale, but I lost my polish. @ wigglemyears
(and you couldnt speak French OR Polish)
I once was a tailor, but I wasn’t SUITED for it. It was a so-so job
I used to be a refuse collection operative but I was binned @lisibo
I used to be a plumber but it was a drain on my resources. @bevevans22
You’re career was goin down the plughole Eh?
I used to work as a rhetorical teacher, but let me answer this one…. @stevebunce
I worked at Starbucks, but it was the same old grind
tried working in an car parts factory, but that was just too exhausting.
I used to work as a tour guide, but was told to get lost (You had that one mapped out @xannov)
I used to work at Kwikfit but I’ve re-tyred. @dughall
I was a painter and decorator but they gave me the brush off. @bevevans22
(It would have been like watching paint dry)
I used to be a caterer but I was a sandwich short of a picnic @lisibo
(Did you try to butter them up?)
I used to be a coalman but I got sacked (or fired!) @dughall
I used to be a Becta Academies consultant but…oh hold on that’s not funny @kevinmulryne
I used to make frosted glass, but could see no way through it @xannov
I used to be a jigsaw maker, but couldn’t keep it together @xannov (Puzzling)
I tried to work at a deli, but no matter how I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
I used to sell oranges, but it just wasn’t appealing. @wigglemyears
Pipped at the post for that job
I used to be a nun but then I kicked the habit. @ kevinmulryne
I even worked as a lumberjack, but I couldn’t hack it. So they gave me the axe
I used to be easily distracted, but… @stevebunce
I used to be a cashier but needed a change. I have taken NOTE of that @bevevans22
I used to be a swimming pool attendant but then I bombed @kevinmulryne
I used to impersonate Lilly Savage, but it was a drag @xannov
I used to be a ninja, but I got the chop. @wigglemyears
I used to work as a restaurant critic but I got fed up. @ dughall
I used to make trusses but I didn’t get any support. @bevevans22
(You should have boned up on that one)
I tried to work in a shoe factory, but I couldn’t fit in
I used to be a carpenter but then I got bored @ kevinmulryne
I used to work in a cushion factory but they told me to get stuffed @kevinmulryne
I was #ffired from being a pharmacist.
Apparently it’s not the same as being an agricultural labourer. @SephieG
I used to work in a petshop, until they caught me with my hand in the Trill @stevebunce
I used to make glass, but it was so shattering @chrisrat
I used to work on a bomb disposal unit but I was blown off. @Helikon
Those undertakers I used to work for as a grave-digger… Sod ’em! @dughall
I was a toothpaste tube filler once, but I got a bit too fresh @xannov
I used to be a superhero, but I was too much of a fly-boy @tombarrett
I used to make cycle helmets, but my head wasn’t in it @xannov
I was a fridge magnate once but I lost my grip and fell off @kevinmulryne
I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience
I used to be a tap dancer till it all went down the drain @janwebb21
I used to have self-respect but then I started wearing this t-shirt @kevinmulryne
I used to work for Microsoft, but I found Windows was a pane @stevebunce
I got a job as a historian, but there was no future in that!
I used to be a procrastinator, but…hang on, I’ll do this tomorrow @stevebunce
I then got a job at a workout club, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
I used to be a print journalist but I got de-pressed @electricchalk
I used to be a trapeze artist but they had to let me go. @helikon
I used to be a Geography teacher then a History teacher, but I kept changing the subject @stevebunce
I used to be a driving instructor but just ended up going round the bend @janwebb21
I used to work for Hoover. It sucked. @captincroc
I used to be a camel herder till i got the hump @janwebb21
I worked in a potato factory but ended up getting mashed @raff31
I was #ffired as a confrontational weight-loss counsellor, as I couldn’t stand the diatribe @SephieG
I worked in a fish factory but ended up battered @raff31
I tree to be a tree surgeon until I got hacked off @chrisrat
I worked in a shoe repair shop but it was a load of cobblers @raff31
I used to be a handy man but it turned out I couldn’t make it. @Helikon
I worked in a bank but ended up being bounced out @raff31
I used to be a Guardian copywriter but I got fried @simfin
I used to be an artist, but then I became with-draw-n @chrisrat
Worked at a railway station but it was just the end of the line @raff31
I used to be a botanist studying all kinds of fungi but it was just the same old slime mould @electricchalk
I used to be tractor fan, but now I’m an extractor fan @stevebunce
I thought I would have a go on twitter, before making a hasty retweet @chrisrat
I became a fisherman, but couldn’t live on my net income.
I used to to a human cannonball but I got fired…. *I’ll get me coat!* @daveterron
I used to be a deep sea diver, but couldn’t stand the pressure @xannov (Deep man)
I used to be God but I was unbelievable. @Helikon
I used to be an astronaut till I was blasted off. @janwebb21
I used to be a draughtsman but I got to the end of the line @bevevans22
I was a carpenter at a furniture manufacturer but I got #ffired for going against the grain @JeremiahAlex
I thought I was a solicitor until I read Belle de Jour’s book @SephieG
I used to be a human cannon ball but to be honest I wasn’t the right calibre @simfin
I used to be a speleologist but I’ve gone underground now. @spookingdorf
I used to be a speech therapist but it was all gobbledegook to me @janwebb21
I used to be an MP, but I flipped @stevebunce
I used to be a curtain but I couldn’t get the hang of it @yearsixteacher
Didn’t tell mum I worked for Heinz. I was embarrassed. When I got fired I spilled the beans @dan_bowen
I used to be a perfectionist, but I’m trying to improve
I thought I was a chiropractor but now I stand corrected. @SephieG
I used to work in a shoe shop but it was sole destroying
I tried looking for gold, but it didn’t pan out.
I worked for a lift company. It had its’ ups and downs. @thewhiteant
I used to be a banker, but lost interest in the work.
I used to work in Clarks but it left me down at heel @Lisibo
I used to be a baker, but I didn’t make enough dough
I worked as an opthamologist but I couldn’t see eye to eye with the boss. @NeilAdam
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to look after fish but was soon out of my depth @thewhiteant
I used to work in a casino, but got offered a better deal.
I used to be an undertaker, but I was bored stiff @stevebunce
I used to be an archeologist – from the start my career was in ruins @kevinmulryne
I used to teach maths but the school couldn’t count on me. @Ideas_Factory
I used to taxidermist, but I told them to stuff it @stevebunce
I used to work as a taxidermist but one day they told me to get stuffed @dan_bowen
I used to be an astronaut but it just spaced me out @dan_bowen
I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn’t my cup of tea
I used to feed pigs but got sloppy @thewhiteant
I tried looking to be a dentist but I just could not get my teeth into it @dan_bowen
I used to work in a frozen veg processing plant. Conditions were terrible so told line manager to pea off. @SimpleKatherine
I used to run a Twitter theatre company but they said we had too many characters. @tombarrett
I used to be a public speaker, but…um… er… well… um @ellierylands
I used to be a circus clown who made dogs out of balloons but I just ran out of puff. @dan_bowen
I used to be a plumber. Now, I have something else in the pipeline.
I used to be an air traffic controller but I left it all up in the air @SephieG
I used to work as a physcologist, but enough about me, tell me about your childhood…. @stevebunce
I used to design rollercoasters but it just drove me loopy. @thewhiteant
I used to be a lollipop lady but I couldn’t lick it. @SephieG
I used to be a witch but I couldn’t spell. @lisibo
I used to work as a bikini waxer but I couldn’t pull it off @Helikon
I used to work in a helium balloon factory. It was all a bit up in the air @ellierylands
I used to be a lollipop lady but I couldn’t lick it (or make the cross over) @SephieG
I used to be a sailor…I rigger in fact…but the captain threw me overboard when I told him to get knotted @dan_bowen
I used to be a taxi-driver, but I came to a bit of a crossroads @ellierylands
I used to be a fisherman, but I got caught playing hooky. @dan_bowen
I used to work for Tetley.I had bags of energy until the last day. They just left me standing. I felt so weak after that @dan_bowen
I used to be a hotel receptionist but then I had reservations.
I tried my hand as a forecaster but I just dried up @NeilAdam
I used to be a monk, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.
I was an accountant for 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…years @ellierylands
I used to be a schizophrenic, but we’re fine now. @stevebunce
I used to work in a casino but it was a bit too dicy when the chips were down @SephieG
I used to be a narrator, but I lost the plot @ellierylands
I used to be @timrylands but it was too hard and I was mystified @simfin
I used to arrange music but the work was too much to Handel. @grumbledook
I used to write for Eastenders but… duff duff duffdufduffduffduff
I used to be a marathon runner, but couldn’t stand the agony of de feet
I used to be a conductor on the railway. They found out I wasn’t trained.
I used to work as a chef but found it hard to cut the mustard. @SimpleKatherine
I used to be a road digger, but I got re-trenched.
I used to be a sanitation engineer, but I got dumped.
I used to do logos, displays, sides of vans etc, but I resigned. @dughall
I used to be a chimney sweep but I became Sooty @lisibo
I ran a newspaper before it folded @SephieG
I used to be a shoe salesman, till they gave me the boot.
I used to be a taxi driver, but found it a bit hackneyed.
I used to be a teacher, but found I didn’t have enough class.
I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn’t my racket.
I used to to be a hunchback but I got my act straight. @Helikon
I used to be a binman but it was rubbish. @RowenaSunshine
I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.
I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn’t in it.
I used to be a regression therapist but there was no future in that. @Helikon
I used to be an exorcist, but my house was repossessed. @stevebunce
I had a papershop but it blew away. @SephieG
I used to work for a bungee jumping company but they let me go, thankfully I got my job back. @tombarrett
I used to be a bra-maker but I went bust. @RowenaSunshine
I used to be a Velcro salesman, but couldn’t stick with it. It was a rip-off.
I used to be a week planner but I called it a day. @Helikon
I used to do integral calculus, but the returns just kept getting smaller and smaller. @NeilAdam
I used to be a neurologist but I lost my nerve. @RowenaSunshine
I considered going into the ministry but I didn’t have an altar ego.
I used to be a lorry driver but I had no truck with it. @RowenaSunshine
I used to work for a well known fast food chain, but it all got too cheesy @SephieG
I tried to be a fitness instructor but it just didn’t work out. @stuartridout
I once wrote the fortunes for cookies, but then my boss opened one. My luck had run out. (1 of 2) @tombarrett
Managed to get a job writing cracker jokes, it is hard to find work involving writing on small pieces of paper concealed in things. @tombarrett
I used to work for kwikfit but it was too exhausting @simfin
I used to work at Kwik-Fit too but I was just 2 tyred… @iusher
I used to be a prophet but when they #ffired me I didn’t see it coming @Helikon
I was going to give up as a baptist to become an Anglican, but I would have missed the pasta. @NeilAdam
I had a job making EXIT signs, but that was always going to be on the way out. @ellierylands
I thought about becoming a candle maker, but it got on my wick.
I used to make hay bales but that was the last straw @ellierylands
I was a tarot-reader for a while – until I was given my cards. (in a re shuffle?) @RowenaSunshine
I wanted to be a parachutist, but I changed my mind and dropped it.
I used to be a clockmaker but there just wasn’t the time. @RowenaSunshine
I used to run my own hot air balloon business but suffered from an inflated ego so #ffired myself. (What a let down!) @SimpleKatherine
When I complained that I was #ffired as a trapeze artist they told me to “get a grip” @stuartridout
I was a cross-eyed teacher but I got #ffired because I couldn’t control my pupils. @RowenaSunshine
I used to be an organist but my heart wasn’t in it. @SimpleKatherine
I used to be an underwear model, but it was just pants. @stevebunce
I used to be a comedian but I was just a joke… @Ideas_Factory
I used to teach ceramics but I got #ffired @MDuette
I used to work at a riding school but I was told to quit horsing around. @Helikon
I did my work experience as a doctor but they let me go as I didn’t have any patients. @stuartridout
I used to be a butcher but I just didn’t cut it… @Ideas_factory
I used to be the saviour but I got too cross. @RowenaSunshine
I used to work in a clock factory when I was younger, but the times are changing @ellierylands
I once worked as a cellist before I had to bow out. @dughall
I used to be a Matt Lucas impressionist, but yeah but no but yeah but @stevebunce
I used to be a journalist, but I couldn’t keep up with the Times @ellierylands
When they #ffired me as a milkman they did it by letter. They would have told me to my face but they just didn’t have the bottle. @stuartridout
I wanted to and break into high-security data processing centers, but I couldn’t hack it.
I used to be a Matt Lucas impressionist but they #ffired me for getting my characters mixed up. Am I bovvered? @stuartridout
I used to be a mountaineer but it was an uphill struggle. @RowenaSunshine
I was a proctologist but I left as it was a bum deal @stuartridout
I used to be a cheese maker, but I didn’t do it Caerphilly. @stevebunce
I used to be a journalist till they wrote me off. @janwebb21
I used to be a shoemaker, but I was cobblers. @Ideas_Factory
I used to be a cartographer but lost my way. @thewhiteant
I got #ffired from a bakers when I asked for a raise. @Ideas_Factory
I used to be a Matt Lucas impressionist but they #ffired me for being a big baby. @stevebunce
I used to make chocolates until they found out I was into black magic @NeilAdam
I used to be called the human calculator but it just didn’t work out for me. @Ideas_Factory
I used to be a computer programmer but I was too basic. @kvnmcl
I was a distress flare on a life boat but I was let off. @Helikon
I used to be a contortionist but I wasn’t flexible enough… @Ideas_Factory
I used to play the piano, but it wasn’t my forte @ellierylands
I used to be a hairdresser till I was cut off @janwebb21
I used to work in a pillow factory but I fluffed it. @stuartridout
I used to chop firewood, i quit when my dreams went up in smoke. @ianaddison
I used to be a ballistics expert till I got #ffired @janwebb21
I used to be a gentlemen’s outfitter but the hours didn’t suit me. @RowenaSunshine
I worked for Ribena’s creativity dept until all my ideas were squash-ed @ianaddison
I used to be a violinist but it was a bit too fiddly. @RowenaSunshine
I used to be a mountaineer, but I peeked too soon. @ellierylands
I used to be a karate instructor till I got the chop @janwebb21
I used to be a margarine taster, but I can’t believe it’s not butter @stevebunce
I used to be a photographer but just couldn’t focus. @RowenaSunshine (Snappy!)
I used to be creative joke writer till I started looking at twitter and realised I was rubbish. @andyjb
I used to be a petrol pump attendant but I ran out of gas. @Ideas_Factory
I used to make calendars but my days were numbered. @stuartridout
I wanted to play my guitar in a pub but I couldn’t pluck up the courage. @novens
I used to work for Twitter but I had too much character. @stuartridout
I used to work in a vineyard but they #ffired me as I whined too much. @stuartridout
My job as a taxi – driver just wasn’t going in the right direction. @ellierylands
I used to work as a policeman in a tiny village but it was a dead beat job. @stuartridout
I used to be a butcher but there’s no bread in that @helikon
I used to be a window cleaner but they saw through me. @janwebb21
I worked in a fishmongers. I knew my plaice. What a load of cod-swallop! @icttalk
I used to work at a model village but I was too big for them. @Ideas_Factory (They scaled down).
I once worked for Google but it wasn’t what I was looking for. @RowenaSunshine
I used sell beds but I grew tired of it. I was laid off. @Ideas_Factory
I used to do something with education & tech but then this bl**dy #ffired thing turned up & my life ebbed away 140chrs at a time @iusher
We often talk about collaborative drawing packages. Here is another one.
Flock Draw gives you the opportunity to draw, mindmap and collaborate on line
Paint a simple masterpiece. Make a point visually. Do whatever you want. Do it together. Grab a tool. Pick a color. Draw something. Show a friend. Show the world. Share your vision.
If you ever wanted to quickly share or collaborate on a simple sketch online, here is a fun tool to try.
With Flock Draw, you can draw simple sketches collaboratively in your browser in real-time. Up to 50 people can draw simultaneously on a single whiteboard. (Flock Draw doesn’t limit the number of people who can watch). FlockDraw isn’t anywhere close to being a replacement for a full-blown design app or a browser-based image editing suite like Aviary. The service, however, makes it very easy and fun to create simple drawings and sketches “in real-time”.
Flock Draw doesn’t have many advanced features – but THAT is the idea
Flock Draw offers a simple set of basic tools: freehand drawing, lines, eraser and text. You can also change the color and size of your font or pencil. There are no fancy tools here, but what is there is more than enough to draw a quick sketch. It’s important to note that these FlockDraw rooms are meant to be disposable — once the last person leaves the room, the image disappears.
Noisli is another simple, but really effective, ambient soundtrack creator. Use the basic graphic interface to manipulate the range of sounds, building an atmosphere for use in descriptive narrative, or setting an atmosphere in a room.
Try the Ambient Mixer for a more complex version of a similar concept.
This is not a new site and is, in fact, the most common link we find in the side bar of school blogs, but… SumDog is one you should see, if you haven’t done so already.
SumDog’s maths games can be good to play, either at home or at school. Most are multi-player, so you can play on your own, or against thousands of students worldwide.
The games cover over a 100 numeracy skills, split into 10 levels, and because the games are presented in engaging ways, pupils enjoy developing their mental maths skills.
You can also purchase a subscription to get progress reports on your students and identify their strengths and weaknesses. Anybody up for a talent show, Holi splatter, or a game of tennis?
Today saw another new steps taken in the age of adventure, with the children. What fun was had, in the lands of technology today! Exploring uncharted territories, discovering distant digital domains, and generally stretching technology in wild and wondrous ways. We set foot in the high~ways, low~ways, no~go~ways, by~ways, here~ways, share~ways, there~ways, slow~ways, up~ways, down~ways, under~ways, wonder~ways, no-wonder!~ways, plunder~ways, try~ways, wonder-why~ways, explore~ways, never~before~ways, your~ways, my~ways, our~ways, oh~the~power~ways, who’d~have~known~ways, should’ve~known~ways, newly~truly~alone~ways… To tell a tale, of any kind, is a challenge. To do so, with access to the wondrous opportunities that technology offers, these days, surely makes it simple?! Well, it does produce a lot of potential, but also introduces challenges of their own. The children showed some remarkable, mature, problem solving techniques, through which we all learned a lot ~ the mark of great digital leaders. To teach is to learn. To be open to learn teaches us a lot. “Who dares to teach must never cease to learn.” John Cotton Dana Empowering learners, teachers and sharers of discovery in so many ways.
CoSketch is a multi-user online whiteboard designed to give you the ability to visualize and share your ideas as images.
Anything you paint will show up, for all other users in the “room”, in real time. It only takes one click to save a sketch, as an image, for embedding on sites and blogs. Runs in all common browsers without plugins or installation. CoSketch is free & doesn’t require registration. Draw freehand, or use icons from the library.
Now with Google Maps support. Draw on a blank canvas or use Google maps as the background for your sketches to show directions or share trips. Get doodling.
Can’t get much more simple than this: a virtual keyboard, that can be used on whiteboards, in musical activities, …including playing along to X Factor!
Click the mouse pointer on one of the ‘piano’ keys, or press the letters on your keyboard. The ‘Chord Mode’ button allows you to select sets of notes. Click the ‘play chord’ button to hear it played.
Journey through strange worlds of Questionaut and test your knowledge of English, Maths and Science on this magical mission to recover your friend’s hat.
The Science of Music collection will keep you experimenting happily for a while, and discovering lots about the theory behind real audio.
These online exhibits, from Exploratorium, will help you mess around with music in ways you probably haven’t before, and learn a lot too.
Kitchen Sink-o-Pation, explores the concepts of visual dominance, hearing sounds out of context, and playing with concrete sounds in an unusual setting.
Produce some mashed up music with Dot Mixer, playing with sound samples from different styles. An interesting investigation of the science of sound itself.
Head out in to the open with real and found sounds in the Headlands Experiments, or get even more physical with Step Remix, a fun way to explore rhythm, body percussion, combining beats of contrasting structure, to create complex poly-rhythms & dances!
Headphones are recommended, or at least a decent set of computer speakers.
Enjoy your experiments with some sound science about the science of sound.
Chirbit is a useful tool that enables you to record, upload & share any audio files easily. Embed your audio anywhere with the HTML5 player.
Record using a webcam or microphone connected to your computer, or upload an existing audio file, which can be in wav, mp3, ogg, amr, m4a, wmv, aiff, and 3gp formats. Upload 120MB of audio per file. That’s 2 hours of audio for each.
Record directly from your browser using a webcam or microphone, or post audio from any smartphone with a voice note app and email. It is also possible to get an instant QR code for each of your audio posts, & attach an image.
As your cat snoozes serenely by the fire, have you ever wondered who its ancestors were and what they did in their lifetimes?
Have you ever wondered what their family tree looks like?
At History Cats you can quickly find your cat’s ancestors, and their characteristics.
Just enter your cat’s details in the boxes and click search. It will trawl their historical records & identify one of your cat’s ancestors. It couldn’t be simpler, so give it a try!
Jekyll, for example, tugged Nelson’s boot to get his attention, the Admiral was struck down by a sniper’s bullet.
Horrified, and feeling slightly responsible for distracting Nelson at such a vital moment, Jekyll felt morally obliged to take the place of the Admiral. Putting on Nelson’s jacket and hat Jekyll bravely directed the rest of the battle, confirming the victory. Instead of basking in the moment of glory though Jekyll made sure he got ashore as fast as he could. He’d lost his appetite for sailing.
A fascinating glimpse in to building a character description and background.